The debate is high in the world and in our churches and it is a hot and divisive topic. I have been on both sides of the fence on this idea of “husband as the head of the home” and “submission.” The side I am on now was a long, painful, but desired transition full of kicking and screaming, tears, but ultimately peace. Every Christian couple must discern for themselves where they fall on this issue, this is simply my journey I thought I would share with you.
Background- Growing up in a divorced home, raised primarily by two single women(my mom and my grandmother)-strong, independent women, I early on battled the innate desire to be loved and taken care of with that of being fiercly independent and self-sustaining, not wanting to be reliant on anyone. I believe that battle was mainly due to fear- fear of losing control and not sure I could trust that I will not be abandoned. I suspect many children of divorce face these very same fears and it can drastically alter how they see the world and view people. This resulted in many painful relationship experiences, culminating my strong desire to be loved with constantly being disappointed by those I trusted, fuleing my “independent spirit.”
Now, during this time I went to church, read my bible, and saw a few wonderful examples of truly loving husbands and wives. I was taught through my hispanic culture and through the bible that the man is to lead his family and when I saw authentic examples of that, I wanted that for my life too. But more often I experienced the let down of the men in my lfe not leading me well. So I just became stronger and more opposed to the idea of anyone “ruling over me.”
And then I got married.
I was blessed to marry a man who truly adored me, as my grandmother said was better than marrying a man who just loves you. There was just one issue- he had no real desire to lead. He was content to let me lead. You would think I would be ecstatic, right? Wrong. I quickly discovered that my heart’s desire was to have my prince charming rescue me and lead me well. Especially after we had children and the desire to have them grow up in the church also became very strong in me. Despite my bad experiences with the men in my life and my liberal convictions I held throughout college, my heart ached to release the burden of leading our family and being responsible to make all the decisions without much input from my husband. I know this sounds like a bashing of my husband, but trust me, it gets better!